I was supposed to go to Zeeland this weekend, but decided to stay at home because I really need to finish my homework for my study. I am late already and really have to dive into it. So Kees decided to go alone with his brother. We picked BIL up last week, because when we came home after my MIL's cremation, one of his house mates, a 27 year old man, had died. Streptococ infection. Brrrr. Jeroen was a lovely boy, and we will all miss him dearly. But today BIL was going back to Zeeland for another few weeks and Kees and I should stay the weekend.
I also had an appointment with the dentist this morning. One of my molars has been bothering me since some time and my old dentist had nog done anything good with it. I wanted to change and this seemed as good a time as any. And now my molar is gone. And my tongue now has acrophobia.

Two husbands meant having two mothers in law. And last week sunday the second one died, only a few months afther the first.
Kees' mother. The one who was my MIL for 34 years. It was no easy relationship, but there were times we did reach eachother.

The last time I spoke with her was on the phone, the wednesday before she died. And I'm glad we had that conversation, because when we got to the hospital sunday morning, she was seduced by painkillers so much that she could no longer react much to what we said. We had a little service and in the afternoon she died quitly and at peace with the world.

Kees, his brother and I where there, HMM was here at home with Charlie, the dog. Monday Kees and I wrote envelopes for the cards, did lots of other small things and then he went home. I stayed in Zeeland. He had to go to the hospital for a pain treatment on tuesday. HMM went with him, and wednesday they came over to Zeeland again, with Charlie. We had a few good days, and its wonderful to see how much Kees looks like his father and to see where loads of his idosyncrasies stem from.

The mourning ceremony on friday was good. I did it myself, wrote the memories and used poems and texts a good friend of mine wrote, inspired by a Course in Miracles.

BIL (who is handicapped) stays in Zeeland for a few weeks. Dad is okay, he can finally go on with his life after living in some vacuum for more than a year.

HMM is the outsider here. But he fits in great. BIL and he get along very well. And I guess it's not very strange: he looks a lot like my father in law, and he looks a lot like Kees as well... people tend to go for the same type of partner, I guess I did (although I did not search for that).

(also posted in alt.poly)

The doctor called last night. To his opinion MIL is too bad and has too much pain to wait till wednesday, so he rescheduled for tomorrow.

Kees's mother has decided that next week wednesday will be her last day. I phoned her yesterday night and we cried a little. Knowing that it's best, knowing that the pain is getting unbearable, knowing that it is what she wants, we both still find it difficult to comprehend. I found the courage to tell her that I think it's a pity that we had our troubles in the past and she told me not to worry about it. We both know that we did not do it out of spite or because we hated eachother, but still did it. I'm glad about this. Very glad.

It is a very strange situation. Telling your boss you're not gonna be on a meeting because of an upcoming death in the family is awkward to say the least. Trying to work out who is gonna do what and when over the coming weeks with a coworker is odd as well.

My BIL and I will go up and down on Sunday. Maybe he can and will stay, otherwise Kees, BIL and I go again on Tuesday. HMM isn't sure what he will do, join us or stay home with Charlie. I guess he will join us, we all will need him there more than here. Plus I will need Charlie as well. He is such a nice little comfort dog!

Luckily I have a lot of nice work to do in the office today.

The artist Francisco Camacho wants to offer a petition to the Dutch parliament to open up the civil marriage in order to allow citizens to marry more than one partner. You can only sign when you are Dutch, but the idea is good. It's a pity that they've been working on this citizens initiative (one of the possibilities the Dutch law and government gives people to initiate a debate or a law(change)) since april and that even I had not heard of it till today (and I'm a news freak). This tells me that there is not much publicity in the main stream press.

I guess one of the reasons there was an article about this initiative is that there is a con in Amsterdam atm about traditional marriages (the World Congress of Families).

She won Ukrain's got talent. And rightfully so.

Very beautiful

The benefits of love and sex

Sex is good for your heart
A hug keeps tension away
Sex can be a stress buster
Weekly sex might help fend off illness
People who have sex feel healthier
Loving support reduces risk of angina and ulcer

That's what we are all doing it for he?

This weekend we will spend in Zeeland, with my inlaws. My MIL is in a hospice since March (but in hospital since last year May) and Kees, his brother and me will sleep in their house with my father in law. It's gonna be one of the last visits, afaik. She has chosen to have her life ended when she can't fight the pain anymore. She's been fighting cancer for more than three years now, with an astonishingly result actually, but the tumors are catching up on her, growing faster than radiation has an effect on them. She does not take chemo; she reacts badly to all medication, has done so all her life. There is one form of painmanagement she is able to use now, and that is nearing maximum.
She feels better now that she has taken her decision and made arrangements with her doctor. Our relationship is still iffy to say the least, but I can make things a little more comfortable in the hospice by standing up for her and getting her nice little tidbits my father in law does not think of (they are not use spending money on a nice bit of fruit salad for instance, while money is not a point anymore atm).

HMM stays home with Charlie (the dog fka Japie). Not that he's not welcome, but it is the practical solution. Kees and I are used to find our way around there, I talk with his brother about things we don't get around to here, where life is too busy to find time. Since mom always seems to veer up time and again I am not sure what he understands about her dying. I do know however that he is having a hard time, I can read his signs.

She and I.
When we went to pick up my BIL in May, it was one day after their 55th anniversary. She told about the cake they had the day before and about the party they threw in some community house nearby for all their neighbours and friends (that was about the last time she was able to leave the hospice in a wheelchair, she is now bedbound since her pelvis is being eaten away slowly). We didn't discuss things, but there was no cake left for us, not even a 'we didn't save you any'. And we didn't know about no party. No invitation, no mention of it. At such a moment I know why our relationship used to suck.

I hope I can manage four days. For Kees. And for his brother. And his father. And for her.

A 38 year old man drove through the fences and through the public and landed against a monument. Only meters away from the open bus in which nearly our complete royal family was having a tour through Apeldoorn because of Queensday.

It's the same flabbergasted feeling as with 9/11. It was live on television, almost everybody is watching those festivities and they ended with a bang. The queen later gave a statement and I've never seen her this devastated. It was clear that she had cried. And this picture of Willem Alexander and Maxima says it all.




edited: I'm a lousy reporter of course. I forget to tell you that there are 6 people dead, including the driver, and 12 injured, 4 of them still in a very bad condition.

There are many, many forms of autism. This picture is a perfect example of Kees' type. You only have to know that 'koffers pakken' in Dutch means 'pack the suitcases' as well as 'fetch the suitcases'.

(Fokke & Sukke have a problem. You said: "Sukke, fetch/pack the suitcases"!!! That is what I did!!!)




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