Going Dutch - 6 voeten in een ledikant

Molar gone

2009-09-04T20:33:31Z

I was supposed to go to Zeeland this weekend, but decided to stay at home because I really need to finish my homework for my study. I am late already and really have to dive into it. So Kees decided to go alone with his brother. We picked BIL up last week, because when we came home after my MIL's cremation, one of his house mates, a 27 year old man, had died. Streptococ infection. Brrrr. Jeroen was a lovely boy, and we will all miss him dearly. But today BIL was going back to Zeeland for another few weeks and Kees and I should stay the weekend.
I also had an appointment with the dentist this morning. One of my molars has been bothering me since some time and my old dentist had nog done anything good with it. I wanted to change and this seemed as good a time as any. And now my molar is gone. And my tongue now has acrophobia.

Two husbands

2009-08-23T11:11:00Z

Two husbands meant having two mothers in law. And last week sunday the second one died, only a few months afther the first.
Kees' mother. The one who was my MIL for 34 years. It was no easy relationship, but there were times we did reach eachother.

The last time I spoke with her was on the phone, the wednesday before she died. And I'm glad we had that conversation, because when we got to the hospital sunday morning, she was seduced by painkillers so much that she could no longer react much to what we said. We had a little service and in the afternoon she died quitly and at peace with the world.

Kees, his brother and I where there, HMM was here at home with Charlie, the dog. Monday Kees and I wrote envelopes for the cards, did lots of other small things and then he went home. I stayed in Zeeland. He had to go to the hospital for a pain treatment on tuesday. HMM went with him, and wednesday they came over to Zeeland again, with Charlie. We had a few good days, and its wonderful to see how much Kees looks like his father and to see where loads of his idosyncrasies stem from.

The mourning ceremony on friday was good. I did it myself, wrote the memories and used poems and texts a good friend of mine wrote, inspired by a Course in Miracles.

BIL (who is handicapped) stays in Zeeland for a few weeks. Dad is okay, he can finally go on with his life after living in some vacuum for more than a year.

HMM is the outsider here. But he fits in great. BIL and he get along very well. And I guess it's not very strange: he looks a lot like my father in law, and he looks a lot like Kees as well... people tend to go for the same type of partner, I guess I did (although I did not search for that).

(also posted in alt.poly)

Update about MIL

2009-08-15T07:50:52Z

The doctor called last night. To his opinion MIL is too bad and has too much pain to wait till wednesday, so he rescheduled for tomorrow.

MIL's decided

2009-08-13T05:03:35Z

Kees's mother has decided that next week wednesday will be her last day. I phoned her yesterday night and we cried a little. Knowing that it's best, knowing that the pain is getting unbearable, knowing that it is what she wants, we both still find it difficult to comprehend. I found the courage to tell her that I think it's a pity that we had our troubles in the past and she told me not to worry about it. We both know that we did not do it out of spite or because we hated eachother, but still did it. I'm glad about this. Very glad.

It is a very strange situation. Telling your boss you're not gonna be on a meeting because of an upcoming death in the family is awkward to say the least. Trying to work out who is gonna do what and when over the coming weeks with a coworker is odd as well.

My BIL and I will go up and down on Sunday. Maybe he can and will stay, otherwise Kees, BIL and I go again on Tuesday. HMM isn't sure what he will do, join us or stay home with Charlie. I guess he will join us, we all will need him there more than here. Plus I will need Charlie as well. He is such a nice little comfort dog!

Luckily I have a lot of nice work to do in the office today.

Poly-marriages

2009-08-11T05:39:44Z

The artist Francisco Camacho wants to offer a petition to the Dutch parliament to open up the civil marriage in order to allow citizens to marry more than one partner. You can only sign when you are Dutch, but the idea is good. It's a pity that they've been working on this citizens initiative (one of the possibilities the Dutch law and government gives people to initiate a debate or a law(change)) since april and that even I had not heard of it till today (and I'm a news freak). This tells me that there is not much publicity in the main stream press.

I guess one of the reasons there was an article about this initiative is that there is a con in Amsterdam atm about traditional marriages (the World Congress of Families).

Kseniya Simonova

2009-08-02T07:52:08Z

She won Ukrain's got talent. And rightfully so.

Very beautiful

I knew it

2009-07-31T08:27:54Z

The benefits of love and sex

Sex is good for your heart
A hug keeps tension away
Sex can be a stress buster
Weekly sex might help fend off illness
People who have sex feel healthier
Loving support reduces risk of angina and ulcer

That's what we are all doing it for he?

MIL

2009-07-28T05:53:29Z

This weekend we will spend in Zeeland, with my inlaws. My MIL is in a hospice since March (but in hospital since last year May) and Kees, his brother and me will sleep in their house with my father in law. It's gonna be one of the last visits, afaik. She has chosen to have her life ended when she can't fight the pain anymore. She's been fighting cancer for more than three years now, with an astonishingly result actually, but the tumors are catching up on her, growing faster than radiation has an effect on them. She does not take chemo; she reacts badly to all medication, has done so all her life. There is one form of painmanagement she is able to use now, and that is nearing maximum.
She feels better now that she has taken her decision and made arrangements with her doctor. Our relationship is still iffy to say the least, but I can make things a little more comfortable in the hospice by standing up for her and getting her nice little tidbits my father in law does not think of (they are not use spending money on a nice bit of fruit salad for instance, while money is not a point anymore atm).

HMM stays home with Charlie (the dog fka Japie). Not that he's not welcome, but it is the practical solution. Kees and I are used to find our way around there, I talk with his brother about things we don't get around to here, where life is too busy to find time. Since mom always seems to veer up time and again I am not sure what he understands about her dying. I do know however that he is having a hard time, I can read his signs.

She and I.
When we went to pick up my BIL in May, it was one day after their 55th anniversary. She told about the cake they had the day before and about the party they threw in some community house nearby for all their neighbours and friends (that was about the last time she was able to leave the hospice in a wheelchair, she is now bedbound since her pelvis is being eaten away slowly). We didn't discuss things, but there was no cake left for us, not even a 'we didn't save you any'. And we didn't know about no party. No invitation, no mention of it. At such a moment I know why our relationship used to suck.

I hope I can manage four days. For Kees. And for his brother. And his father. And for her.

Madness

2009-05-01T09:37:42Z

A 38 year old man drove through the fences and through the public and landed against a monument. Only meters away from the open bus in which nearly our complete royal family was having a tour through Apeldoorn because of Queensday.

It's the same flabbergasted feeling as with 9/11. It was live on television, almost everybody is watching those festivities and they ended with a bang. The queen later gave a statement and I've never seen her this devastated. It was clear that she had cried. And this picture of Willem Alexander and Maxima says it all.

edited: I'm a lousy reporter of course. I forget to tell you that there are 6 people dead, including the driver, and 12 injured, 4 of them still in a very bad condition.

Autism

2009-04-12T09:38:49Z

There are many, many forms of autism. This picture is a perfect example of Kees' type. You only have to know that 'koffers pakken' in Dutch means 'pack the suitcases' as well as 'fetch the suitcases'.

(Fokke & Sukke have a problem. You said: "Sukke, fetch/pack the suitcases"!!! That is what I did!!!)

More from Fokke & Sukke.

Someitimes the future predicts itself

2009-03-05T08:48:28Z

If you remember my newyears resolution for 2007 from a meme that went around then, my resolution was to "fire my boss"

That did of course not happen in 2007. Things in the office more or less deteriorated, but we both were still there by the end of the year.

Last year May I changed departments. I now work for the workers' council. She stayed. But her department got taken out from under her. People in the financial half were placed in the financial department, though still working in the same offices. And the staff/secretarial department got reorganised. So she is still holding the same position, but instead of being boss over ten or more people, she has nobody left to boss over.

I guess that in a way I got what I asked for ;)

No ADHD but bad stress coping?

2009-02-25T09:14:21Z

This looks much more applicable than the full adhd-pattern. And no, I don't think I'm abused in my childhood. Not in the 'normal' sense of abuse anyway. No violence, but a form of neglect. And most part of the first year in hospital. And I know how I cope with stress without Efexor.

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/588573

and
http://www.plasticsurgerypractice.com/reuters_article.asp?id=20090223clin004.html

and others if you search on 'NR3C1'

In very short:
Early severe child abuse is associated with altered hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) responses to stress later in life. Now, scientists in Canada suggest that this effect is mediated by epigenetic programming of the neuron-specific glucocorticoid receptor (NR3C1) promoter in the hippocampus.

HMM's mother

2009-02-19T14:32:06Z

Being poly gave me two mothers in (and out of) law. Since they both were under 1.50 meter (less than 5 feet) I didn't feel that was too much. Now there is only one left. Yesterday we said goodbye to HMM's mother. She's been going strong till last summer, when she fell ill and had a small tia. Never really recovered from that.

HMM and I took care of the music and by coincidence found a wounderful song by Anne Sofie von Otter: I walk with you, mama. It is a song from Benny Andersson from ABBA: Stockholm by night. Lovely music, great lyrics. There were other songs as well, but I wanted to share this one.

HMM's brother and his youngest uncle both talked at length about their memories of Ma (Aadje). I heard many things I didn't know and wish I had known before and talked about with her.

July

2008-08-02T06:42:01Z

Last month went by so quickly that there was no time at all to tell you about
- the holiday in Wirral in June (great, pictures still to be uploaded)
- the new smartphone (Nokia E90, awesome in some ways, astonishingly lacking in other)
- the new job (good, busy, so many new things to learn, came out as poly in the dept news flash)
- Kees' leg (still no good - been to the next orthopede, no news, new tests, appt for oct 8!!!)
- Kees' mother's health (operation scheduled to replace tumorous knee and thigh on aug 25)
- HMM's mother's health (small tia turned out to be diabetic hypo, chamomile tea didn't work for type II)
- my own health (burned left breast on new skillet while bending to fetch potholder, treated with lavender oil wich gave allergic reaction that spread over my left underarm because that touches breast while sleeping; heel spur probably caused by next point)
- how busy a free Friday can be (Ikea and groceries with friend in wheelchair; followed by wine tasting in a local with a bar and no stools)
- all other things that kept me afk

I have been able to read evry now and then (thanks to the E90), but if you want me to know something or to react to something, please let me know.

Off to the flower parade later today. Hope to get some nice pictures there!

meralgia paresthetica

2008-06-25T17:59:33Z

At least we now know:

http://www.emedicine.com/orthoped/TOPIC416.HTM
http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1421141

We went to another neurologist today. Of course nothing changed, but he finally was kind enough to give us the name, telling us 'but you can forget that straight away'. Luckily he also gave us a letter for a fysiotherapist, in which he gave the name. So now we finally were able to get more information as to what's the matter with Kees' thigh.

He now has to make an appointment with a specific fysiotherapist, who should be specialised in this ailment. If that does not help, he's send to a pain clinic, where they are gonna give him shots (most likely with lidocaine or something similar).

Of course he cannot make this appointment like that, he called today and will be called back somewhere next week to get his first appointment.

Meanwhile he also has pain in his hipbone. Probably bursitis. So he has to go to the ortopede again.

In Dutch we call this 'van het kastje naar de muur en terug' (from the cupboard to the wall and back). I don't know the howmanieth cupboard this is, but I was likely to bang my head agains the umpteenth wall this morning. Kees asked for an invalid parking card for the time being, since he can hardly walk more than 100 yards without excruciating pain. The form was on top of his ledger. No, this doctor had not filled it out yet. "I can't do that if I haven't seen you". But He was under treatment at this department, we have been seeing another neurologist here.

That's when I walked away again.

West Kirby, Wirral, Merseyside

2008-06-14T20:32:56Z

We're here for 10 days now. Halfway down a wonderful holiday. The appartment, the weather, the area... everything turns out to be great. Eating in or out with nice English breakfasts, fish and chips, sheppard's pies, lamb chops, etc etc.

We've been to Evita in the Empire theatre, to the mayor's parade, to Wales. I've gone on a ramble with my friend Eileen and her friends from the Woman's Instutute. Through the fields near Thurstaston, and along the Wirral Way back 'home'.

Tomorrow Chester and then still a whole week!

I could live here

Memory meme

2008-06-13T07:20:02Z

From autographed cat (posted mobile, sorry no links atm). He asked for a memory and to repost that at my own journal.
Reading the comments made me smile - made me curiuos - made me long for good memories, regardless. You and I don't share any. Yet. And maybe we never will. But knowing you as a 'vriendeling' - someone met on the net - made today start as a happy day. And that is a good future memory.

So if you read this, please leave one of the memories you have of you and me and put that in your journal too?

Spam of the day

2008-05-28T07:57:24Z

"In bed with two hotties"

Yep. I am. Lots of nights. Not atm though, because Kees or I are usually in the spare room. It's too hot see.

Vacation

2008-05-27T15:53:08Z

As of next week we will spend three weeks in West Kirby, Wirral (south of Liverpool). Any one in that area that want to have a coffee with me? Or a lunch?

There are people in alt.poly with whom I try to arrange some date. I will be checking mail, but that is my google mail: springkikkert -at- gmail -dot- com, so if you want to get in touch with me between 3 and 23 june, please use that address.

Last minutes

2008-05-22T13:23:03Z

It's very quiet in the office. Everybody on this floor seems to be done packing. Half of the people are out on a 'field trip' and the rest is quiet. It would have been a good place to work if it always was this quiet. But with everything in this room cleared out and stowed in boxes, it's very boring as well. Pictures are gone, private stuff is gone, the only thing left are two desks and two computers and a cupboard.

We've been here (B153) for three years, first I was on the second floor and the last year and a half on the third. Next week we'll be on the other side of the street (in B20), back in the main building. Three more days overthere for me, and then: vacation. And after that: new job, crossing the street again to yet another building (B105)..

yesterday it turned out that there's no phone for me (we switch to mobiles in the new office location). And in B20 there's no cupboard or locker reserved for me. And the trolley I had chosen I will not get. "You are gonna be away after next week". Yes, but I still would like to do some work next week.

So they did get me a phone.

And today I chartered a cart and moved my own two boxes directly to B105. Because I think I will never find them back if I first let them move them to B20 and then try to get them to B105. Of course today of all days I left my access card in my other bag. Duh....

Off to get home now.

Bye bye 153. It was nice being here for the time it lasted.

For the board

2008-05-05T17:34:43Z

I've nominated myself for the advisory board. Like I said overthere: because I think some one from the Netherlands may look at things from a different perspective. If you feel like that: please support my nomination. You can find everything about the election (including the other nominees) here.

Memorial Day

2008-05-04T09:59:35Z

And then it is also 28 years ago today that my mom died. May 4 is memorial day in the Netherlands and for me that day changed meaning in 1980. My two minutes silence at 8pm are since dedicated not only to those who gave their life in a war, but also to my mom. I was 23 when she died, she was 53. We both were way too young.

Memorial Day.
Last week the treaty was signed to open the possibility that Serbia becomes a member of the EC. And I find myself pretty triplistic about that.
One part of me - the European part, the non prejudiced part, the part I'd like to be - welcomes them open heartedly.
The second part thinks very Westeuropean centered and considers countries like Turky and Serbia 'not European'. But I realise that that is not as easy to define as like say Australian. Australia is an island, everything not on that island isn't Australian. Europe's borders are lines on the map of the world, people decide what is what.

But the third part in me has problems with 'Serbia, the warmongers'. The Serbs were/are the aggressors, the murderers, the culprits in Sebrenica. Warcriminals are still walking free in Serbia, the present Serbian government is not cooperating with the international tribunal, they don't want Kosovo to be free.

And I seriously am worried about them joining Europe, the EC. But I don't want to be like generations Dutch people before me who kept blaming the Germans for the war.

There's no end to this story. My mind keeps munching.

Defused

2008-05-04T09:40:28Z

There's a thread in ap about electricity and wiring. And that triggered me to writing this post.

Until a year ago I regularly had emotional outbursts, anxiety attacks, fits. Emotional instable. Name it by any other name than 'rose', me and my surroundings were very unhappy with my behaviour.

A year ago I started on efexor. An antidepressant. And from the moment I started, my emotional outbursts disappeared nearly complete.

It's like there is a bigger fuse in my head (or thicker wiring). Before there was room for the washer and the dryer to turn together, but if some one switched on the dishwasher at that same time, my fuse would blow. Now I can easily handle the dishwasher and even the coffee machine. Maybe if some one then turns on the blender, I may feel a little pressure.

Of course, there have been two or three times my fuse blew this last year, but all in all my life (and that of the people surrounding me) is much much better than it has been in ages.

ADHD

2008-05-03T07:54:45Z

Radio Discus is a local radio station, but they broadcast their radio on their website in the form of watch-radio (or listen-tv). The program runs every week on Saturday from 5am-8am ET (my time, central european: 11am-2pm), but it is repeated the whole week till next week Saturday. Today both Kees and I will be in 'De Stamtafel', the program from 12-1 (the middle hour). De Stamtafel's topic is ADHD and Kees is a guest to talk about our ADHD-café (support group). Discus is the station where I regularly have my column. And of course I do today's column about ADHD. I've already published it on our Dutch blog.

What to do with a loaf of bread?

2008-05-01T21:10:24Z

I know of course, but this turned out to be particularly nice. Last Sunday I varied on this recipe for Lamb Wellington - I made pork Wellington with ham mousse. So I got me a white square bread cut in long slices instead of in square slices. I used three slices for the pork (tenderloins). They were delicious.

Then for Tuesday I made salmon sandwiches, as an appetizer. Two slices, rolled out, Philadelphia spread, cucumber, salmon, mayonaise, rolled and set in foil and then sliced in thin slices.

And for today I made a variation on Quiche Lorraine. The recipe asked for bread dough (croissant dough to be precise), but I still had left two slices of the casino bread, so I used them. Lined the oven plate with them, then layers of bacon and cheese and a mix of eggs and cream and herbs on top. Wonderful!

It's nice to make two new recipes and an old one (the sandwiches I made before) that turn out so nice!