This weekend we will spend in Zeeland, with my inlaws. My MIL is in a hospice since March (but in hospital since last year May) and Kees, his brother and me will sleep in their house with my father in law. It's gonna be one of the last visits, afaik. She has chosen to have her life ended when she can't fight the pain anymore. She's been fighting cancer for more than three years now, with an astonishingly result actually, but the tumors are catching up on her, growing faster than radiation has an effect on them. She does not take chemo; she reacts badly to all medication, has done so all her life. There is one form of painmanagement she is able to use now, and that is nearing maximum.
She feels better now that she has taken her decision and made arrangements with her doctor. Our relationship is still iffy to say the least, but I can make things a little more comfortable in the hospice by standing up for her and getting her nice little tidbits my father in law does not think of (they are not use spending money on a nice bit of fruit salad for instance, while money is not a point anymore atm).

HMM stays home with Charlie (the dog fka Japie). Not that he's not welcome, but it is the practical solution. Kees and I are used to find our way around there, I talk with his brother about things we don't get around to here, where life is too busy to find time. Since mom always seems to veer up time and again I am not sure what he understands about her dying. I do know however that he is having a hard time, I can read his signs.

She and I.
When we went to pick up my BIL in May, it was one day after their 55th anniversary. She told about the cake they had the day before and about the party they threw in some community house nearby for all their neighbours and friends (that was about the last time she was able to leave the hospice in a wheelchair, she is now bedbound since her pelvis is being eaten away slowly). We didn't discuss things, but there was no cake left for us, not even a 'we didn't save you any'. And we didn't know about no party. No invitation, no mention of it. At such a moment I know why our relationship used to suck.

I hope I can manage four days. For Kees. And for his brother. And his father. And for her.